Friday, August 22, 2014

A baby? Okay, I'll take one

I like babies. My wife likes babies. So, we got to talkin' and said to each other, "Hey, we should have a baby." That discussion (along with little things like prayer, meditation, review of life circumstances, etc.) took us to the edge of the rabbit hole that we call parenthood and family planning. Of course, we had always planned on having children, but in my mind fatherhood found itself in the same category as using a jet pack or punching a shark: awesome, yet terrifying, and potentially happening sometime in the distant future.
Punching a shark WHILE using a jet pack!!!

Thankfully, parenthood came along before both viable jet packs and fish boxing, although all three have their perils and have resulted in loss of limb. I will gladly take on those perils, however, because this little girl is worth it.

"Hi, I'm Ana. I own you now."

Me, trying to do "dad" things.

It's been about 2 1/2 months since the little lady's arrival. I didn't want her to catch internet cooties, thus my decision to avoid advising the world-at-large of her majesty gracing us with her presence. Ana has done some mighty fine growing in these two months. Behold...

At this rate she'll be 7 1/2 feet tall by age 3.

Smiling at 5 days old seemed to set the tone for life up to this point (and hopefully future points) and she is now a professional, showing off her gleaming gums for anyone willing to make a face at her.

First, she'll smile, then she'll lick you.

Another favorite activity is standing. Not by herself, as that would be frightening, but if you don't hold her high enough be prepared for a glare. Take caution if reclining, she is known to take steps on occasion and may walk her way up to your face.

After the throat stomp, she performed an elbow drop, then pinned me for the World Wrestling Championship Title.

Yep, things are going pretty well around here, I count myself blessed more than I deserve. Now, if only I could lose this darn pregnancy weight...

She punched us both in the eye right 5 seconds before this.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

New Math

Throughout my youth I thought math was fun and easy.  It required a bit of mental strain, but not too much, and in the end there was either a right answer or a wrong answer.  Black and white, methodical, easy peasy.  However, my relationship with math hit a rough patch when imaginary numbers came along.  At that point I decided I wouldn't become an astrophysicist, and thus changed my focus to business.  Unfortunately, everything in business is imaginary, but that's neither here nor there.

One of the most basic concepts in math is addition.  Ask any child what is 1 + 1 and they will answer 2.  I am here to tell you that this is not always the case.  "Heresy!"  It's true!  Allow me to introduce what I am calling familial math:



Right, so this is classic 1 + 1 = 2, right?  Well, yes, but no.  Familial math includes an additional factor: time.  And now we can see how time changes the results....

As you can see, 1 + 1 currently equals 2 1/2, as Christen so beautifully demonstrates.  I am pleased to announce that in early June 1 + 1 will equal 3, as a little lady will be joining our family equation.  Isn't familial math great?

And she's not allowed to date until she's 25