Sunday, February 6, 2011

Saying Goodbye

I've been putting off this post for a long time. This might be the reason my blog usage has gone down extremely in the last few months. I've wanted to talk about this for a while, but at the same time I haven't. But here it is. A farewell to my little dog.

Some may scoff at this, or think it's silly. I don't care.

Think about something or someone that's been in your life for the last ten years. She's got a personality all her own. She runs to see you when you get home from school. After a long day of work you see the sheer joy she feels when you walk in the door, and instantly your day is brighter. The love is unconditional, the companionship makes everything feel alright. Your friend through thick and thin, the presence that's always there. And then one day it's all gone.

It's been just over two months since we had to put Dottie down. We knew she was getting older, and it was more difficult for her to get around. However, Thanksgiving proved to be a turning point. Suddenly, she couldn't keep her balance, and her breathing seemed strained. The following day she was taken to the vet to be checked out. Most likely scenario: stroke, or some neurological disease. Either way, it was heart-wrenching to see this little member of the family become completely immobile. We were told to see if there was any improvement over the following week. There was none. The decision was made to alleviate her suffering.

Like I said, it's been a little more than two months since that time. For several years Dottie had slept on my bed with me. I still don't go to bed at night without thinking I need to go look around the house to find her.

Even now, as I sit at my computer, I'm looking around the room at the usual spots she occupies when I sit at my table.

Of course, those spots are empty.

The emptiness is more than just an open spot on the couch. A presence is gone from the home. While it does make me sad again to think about these things, at the same time I know it had to happen, and it was for the best.

Some may be saying it's a good thing it wasn't a person I lost. I agree, I'm not sure of what I would be going through in that situation.

This blog is not meant to be a journal, or to express deeply intimate feelings. But this post, while disjointed and seemingly mopey, was for me. Someone special to me (yes, I consider my dog a someone) had to leave. This a way to deal with it.

I didn't lose a person, but I still lost a friend.


  1. Kellan, I'm so sorry for you. Losing your canine family member really is so hard. My mom still cries sometimes about our dog that died almost 4 years ago. Don't feel silly, it's a sad thing. Sorry for your loss.

  2. Redd and I still think about her a lot too. It's always weird to come by the house and not have her meet us at the door or hear her barking at a dishtowel :)

    That's such a cute picture.

  3. I'm sorry Kellan, that is so hard. Dogs are great friends, and I totally understand you having a hard time with it! I think you'll see her again :)
    PS. I'm jealous Brandon has a class with you; we should all do lunch again sometime!

  4. Kellan, we had to put our family dog that we had for 15 years to sleep Christmas Eve. :( Not a fun day for us. So i definitely know how you feel, and you do feel like you lost a big part of your life. Sorry for your loss!