Tuesday, September 7, 2010

La Ira

We've all felt it before.
It's like an itch that won't go away.
A comment or a thought will stick in your mind, and you just can't get it out.
It causes a little spark of annoyance, irking you just a touch.
Small as seed, yet sharp enough to just keep digging and digging at you.

Before you know it, that little irksome thought has caught hold,
and suddenly it takes root.
It lodges in your heart and mind, and almost immediately begins to grow.
Almost without realizing it, that small thought,
that small comment,
has grown into something powerful.


Like a weed it begins to choke out all other thoughts and feelings.
Things like compassion and understanding are pushed aside.
Where moments before you were trying to suppress
what you were feeling, suddenly you are feeding a growing monster.
Not only do you feel the anger grow,
you begin to enjoy it.
It's adding strength to your mind, strength to your arguments.
Everything is so clear to you, how can no one else see it?

All of your thoughts swirl around the person who was the center
of your initial thought.
You know exactly what the problem is,
you know why you are right
and why they are out of line.
But you don't want to just tell them.
You want to tear them down, little by little,
and then rip them down.
First, you just want to take little pot shots,
to let them know you're in charge.
Then you're going roll in the big guns,
and you will thrash them.

That anticipation fills you with a dark satisfaction.
You smile to yourself,you know whatever they throw
at you will be swept aside by your genius logic.
But it doesn't stop there,
your thoughts continue.
You don't just want to rip them down,
you want to bury them.
After all, you're justified in your anger.
You're in the right....

Aren't you?

As the seed of anger first takes root it gets right to work.
One of the first things it attacks is your perspective.
Your ability to see things as other see them is not blocked,
the problems arise because it is skewed.
You believe you know what the other person is thinking,
so you start to justify your thoughts by saying,
"Well, they think this way, so they're the one that's out of line."

We are most vulnerable to the seed of anger when
emotions are hurt, or tender.
Our growing anger plays on these emotions,
twisting them,
manipulating them,
eventually harnessing them in a way that twists our thoughts even more.
We want to make the person we consider "the offender,"
hurt as much as we do.

The truth is, we ourselves are "the offender."
Our anger feeds upon itself,
the more we entertain the thoughts of retribution
the stronger it becomes.
It is understood that in some circumstances "the offender"
truly is an outside influence,
However, by and large we are offenders of our own selves.

Our anger can result in what can be called a "Burnout"
The heat of our anger burns away any feelings of love or compassion,
all we feel for the target of our feelings is bitterness.

I am not innocent of anger,
it is something I must guard myself against.
The words I say have the ability to make someone feel special,
and lift them up.
However, I know from sad experience that my words
can tear someone down just as easily.

The strong feelings of anticipation for an approaching
confrontation are a lie.
After our words are spoken there is no joy in our hearts,
we do not feel victorious.
All that's left is emptiness.
Of course, we try to justify our words,
yet we ourselves know our arguments for tearing someone down
have no merit.

Our guilt is evident,
it replaces the feelings of love we once had.
Instead of feeling joy and happiness when we think of our former target
all we feel is guilt and regret.
We know we are in the wrong,
but how do we rid ourselves of these terrible feelings?
We can humble ourselves,
ask for forgiveness,
and hope we haven't irreparably damaged what once was great.
For many this is too difficult.
Instead of trying to repair, they decide to abandon.

True friendships can be repaired and restored.
Do not abandon something so special
because it may be difficult.

Do not speak out in anger, or let anger grow.
If you feel the seed of anger beginning to take root
please do not let it.

You are better than that.

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